Tuesday, January 23, 2018

TMI Tuesday: January 23, 2018 ~ The most perfect favorite things!

Let’s talk faves, the most, and perfection at TMI Tuesday blog.

1. Favorite childhood memory?

~ I'm over 50 - you expect me to remember? 

Actually, I do have one. 

When I was 10 a girl invited me to her house after school on a Friday, to swim in her pool. She was absolutely gorgeous and had long hair and wore the prettiest clothes. Her parents were rich and lived on the ridge that over looked the town. Their house was huge and so was their swimming pool. Everything was built out of expensive stone and beautifully landscaped. They must have been millionaires, they were 'living large' two decades before that was a thing. 

The sun was perfect as it shone down on us and we swam and talked and hung out for hours. As it turned dark a party (for grownups) started and her parents were oblivious to the fact I was still there. My parents rolled up at 9pm and pulled me out of the pool, having wondered where I was and why I hadn't come home at 6pm. I didn't care, I had spent the day with the prettiest girl in school and we had gotten on so well it was clear we were meant to be together.

On Monday she said 'Hi' to me and then went back to her friends. Love is fleeting.

2. Favorite moment in the last 3 months?

~ Last October, when my wife flew home from Amsterdam five days early (due to a work thing) leaving me to sneak off on an unplanned side trip of my own to Barcelona. (I contemplated visiting the UK but looking up fellow sex bloggers IRL is not a smart idea).

3. Favorite drink on a hot summer day?

~ Jack Daniels & Coke in a tall glass with big ice blocks, mixed strong. I will happily accept Jim Beam.

4. Perfect day out: what, where, with whom?

~ My wife and I are in the fortunate position of being able to (within reason) do pretty much what we like, where ever we like, and with whomever we like. Unfortunately lately this has meant us each 'doing our own thing' ie not doing things together. I think 2018 is the year I become ambivalent about our waning sex life.

5. Your most unexpected achievement?

~ I haven't had any sex of any sort since January 4th (not even solo) and yet I've managed to keep it together. Usually I start climbing the walls, but this time I've been able to contain myself. The trick is to watch lots of Netflix and not join your wife in bed - otherwise you just upset yourself festering over the sex you're not having with that woman lying next to you. 

I decided I would not initiate and see how long it would take for her to initiate sex. The experiment has been terminated at 20 days because my wife left today for 8 days in China. She's at a BNG 'conference' but that's only 4 days so the rest is shopping in Hong Kong. Or fucking her lover - what do I know? She has quite literally told me nothing about where she's going, where she's staying, or how I can contact her. I only know the conference is 4 days (3.5 really) because I googled it.

Bonus: The kindest thing you ever did for a stranger?

~ I am comfortable knowing I've done some kind things for strangers, without needing to mention it here. Because that might identify me IRL. 

But yes, I'm a believer in random acts of kindness (for their own sake).

Double Bonus: I assure you these are both erotic fictionSexting Selfies and it's sequel, Part 2.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

When the wife’s away.... 😈 #neroblogshere

via Instagram http://ift.tt/2Bn678p

Monday, January 22, 2018

Sexting Selfies - Part 2

This is a complete work of fiction. It stands alone but it really would be better if you read Part 1 first. This sequel was intended for Wicked Wednesday but I was late, so here we are on Masturbation Monday...!

I was so angry I ran up the stairs two at a time. I was angry because last night she said she was going to sext me today, but when she did it was humiliating.

Last night she had proudly (and drunkenly) told the other couples at the bar that we had been together 21 years, all because she knew the secret to a long term relationship. "It's the routine!" she said triumphantly "you can't fall into a routine - whatever you do, don't let the sex get routine. Otherwise someone gets bored and goes elsewhere - so don't let the sex get routine. You gotta spice it up!"

I was angry because she always gets like this when she's had a few wines. She tries to win everyone over with her wit and charm but always ends up telling inappropriate stories of a sexual nature. It's like our meet-cute story wasn't cute enough so she has to add in the story of our first fuck. Sure, she flatters me when she tells that story - but why does she have to tell it to people we've only just met that night?

It's the hypocrisy that infuriates me. Like most couples who have been together as long as we have the zing has definitely left our marriage. We have sex maybe once a month and it's timid at best. And yet here is my wife bragging to casual acquaintances about how our marriage has survived so long because she *wink wink* doesn't let the sex get routine.

On the ride home I made it clear to her that her stories were embarrassing. It annoyed me that she was trying to project an image of her being a sexually adventurous woman when she was no such thing. When she protested I challenged her to name the last time she'd initiated sex, and to name a time when she'd done something remotely kinky.

"You can't even sext me!" I told her "you've never even sent me a topless selfie - not once in our 21 years!"

"Fine - if you want to see my tits on your cellphone I'll sext you tomorrow!" she shouted back "but you sure as well won't be seeing them tonight!!"

So we went to bed angry and avoided each other the following morning. It's a big house and not hard to do. The Cold War continued into the afternoon, which was why I was so surprised when out of the blue I got a sexy pic from my wife A very sexy pic! 'What do you think?' was the message, together with a photo of her bare breasts in all their glory. Beneath her boobs I could see her hand snaking down to her pussy, hidden beneath the covers. It was a provocative shot alright, and I had to give her an A+ for effort and execution.

This is not me, but is the closest match I could find on 4chan
And then she ruined it all by promising a pussy pic in return for a dick pic from me - only to mock it when it arrived: "Yeah, no. You're too small - and who the fuck uses emojis at your age? No pussy pic for you OLD MAN!!!!"

As soon as I read that something exploded in my head. I raced upstairs to the bedroom and found her on the bed, looking at her phone. She was still topless, pretty much as she'd been when she'd sent me the photo, with the covers still pulled up. As I entered the room she looked up at me, grinning - she obviously thought it was all a big joke. That I was a big joke. Because my dick was so old and small.

Her face fell when she saw the look on my face. She could see I was angry - livid in fact.

"I was just kidding" she squealed, as I strode over to the bed. "I was just joking - it was a joke!" she repeated, as she tried to crawl away from me and escape out the other side of the bed. I grabbed her ankle and pulled her back. "I didn't find it funny" I said, as she collapsed onto the bed "in fact I'm fucking sick of your bullshit. All those lies you tell people about our sex life when in fact it's nonexistent"

My wife was lying prone in front of me, completely naked. Her head remained fixed on the bedroom wall in front of me; she said nothing, and did nothing. She remained still. She was on her stomach, her arms stretched ahead of her, her long legs trailing behind her, down to my hand which still gripped her ankle. Her silence frustrated me and her big round arse taunted me. Just like her it said nothing and did nothing, it just sat there.

I realized my cock was hard. This was confusing.

My dick was erect and I couldn't understand why. I was was angry, not horny. I was really angry and not in the least bit interested in my wife at this moment. She had belittled me sexually so I had no intention in giving in to her sexual power by fucking her. And yet I was hard. My cock was throbbing in fact, straining at my zipper.

I gazed at her butt, observing the soft skin that enveloped her perfect apple bottom. My eyes followed the line of the crease that divided the two rounded halves, all the way up to the dimples at the bottom of her spine. I twitched. My cock betrayed me.

I knew what the problem was - it was her ass. I sprang forward onto the bed, kneeling beside her plump little tushie. My hand came down in the same instance, smacking her square on one cheek. It made a loud thwacking sound and stung my hand. I guess it felt the same for her because she squealed. Loudly.

"OW!! What the fuck are you doing?" she cried out.

"I'm.sick.of.all.your.shit!!" I shouted back, striking her butt at every word "You need to be PUNISHED!"

The first smacks had been uncoordinated, I was flailing wildly, but when I said 'punished' I delivered the piece de resistance - a blow that struck cleanly on the bottom of both cheeks at the same time. This caused her arse to jiggle as it wobbled up and down. It actually looked quite sexy, so I delivered another slap, just the same, for good measure.

My wife had gone quiet again, which was unusual for her. Which annoyed me. I had expected her to struggle and resist but instead she lay there, taking her punishment. What pleasure is there in punishing someone if they accept it? That negates the punitive aspect of it, surely? I lifted my hand high and brought it down hard and fast on her butt. Once again the room echoed with a resounding "thwack!!"

This time my wife reared up, and screamed.

"Ow! Fuck no!" she begged "that one really hurt".

A small smile curled across my mouth as I placed one hand in the middle of her back and pushed her back into the mattress. Holding her down firmly with one hand I delivered some short sharp smacks to her blushing derriere. They weren't as rough or as hard as the earlier ones, but only because I was struggling to hold her down with one hand while punishing her with the other. I hadn't intended to go lightly on her, but the result was fascinating.

If you're reading captions you should probably know that
my dick probably isn't as big as in that other pic. It's hard to tell.
Every time I slapped her ass my wife made a little grunt.

It was a grunt I recognized. It was the same noise she made when I was fucking her. The same noise she made when I was pounding her hard from behind, slamming into her rough and wild... and deep.

So my wife enjoyed being spanked - why was I not surprised?

My emotions were mixed. I was still so angry at her but it was also funny. My strait-laced wife who talked a big game in front of others but remained strictly vanilla behind closed doors actually liked a good spanking. I couldn't help but chuckle inside - sure, I'd delivered the odd slap on the butt or two over the years but she'd never responded in a way that indicated anything like this.

I pressed my hand down harder onto the small of her back, pinning her, and with the other hand I pulled her legs apart. I could see she was wet. Her pussy was glistening and there seemed to be a very small wet spot on the sheet beneath her. I brought my hand down again, slapping the entire space between her legs. My hand smacked both her ass and her cunt, and I raked a finger up between her wet slit as I pulled my hand away.

My wife moaned. She was lying face down on the mattress with arms raised in the 'hands up' position, and her fists were balled up and clenched, pulling at the sheets. She was clearly waiting for what ever happened next, and determined to take it.

I grabbed her suddenly and flipped her over in one swift movement. Her eyes flung wide open and she looked at me in shock. I spread her legs again, wider this time, and delivered another slap straight down on her pussy. It wasn't as hard as a smack but her back arched and she gasped. I slapped her cunt again, cupping my hand slightly, and making a delicious smacking sound. I delivered a third slap and then a fourth - with every blow she moaned, gasped and arched her back.

As she slumped back into the mattress she looked up at me in desperation.

"Omigod! My pussy is so wet, my clit feels like it's about to explode" she said lustily. "I need your cock!" she said pleadingly "just fuck me, now! Pleeeease?!"

"You want my cock?" I teased, as I placed my hand over her vulva and cupped her pussy again. "Are you sure this won't do?" I asked, as I pressed one wet finger down between her slick folds. She was so wet my fingers were lubed immediately so I slipped one slippery digit inside her, followed by another. I began slowly curling both fingers in and out, as my open palm bounced against her clit.

Her clit really was hard, like a little button, and I could feel the nub against my hand every time I pushed against it. It wasn't something I could feel when I slapped her pussy, so I relished the feeling of this more intimate movement. Every time I made contact with her clit she moaned or writhed so I had to ask tease her again "Are you sure you want me to fuck you? Aren't you happy with a good fingering?"

"Oh god yes" she said, staring me directly in the eye "I want your cock inside me, now, please honey, stick it inside me!"

"This little thing?" I said, as I stood up and dropped my pants "you really want this old cock?"

My prick sprang out, standing tall and proud. The head was purple and it was already dripping slightly. Like Pavlov's Dog my wife actually licked her lips involuntarily, as she rearranged herself on the bed to face me. Her legs were splayed out wide and ready to receive me. My cock throbbed and I had to admit to myself it looked pretty impressive. I was going to make my wife eat her words - literally!

But first...

I grabbed my phone ... and took ... the best.dick.pic.ever.


This post has also been submitted to Masturbation Monday
Click the link for more stories like this one!


This post has also been submitted to Wicked Wednesday

click here for more 'Wicked Wednesday' stories (NSFW)

Sunday, January 21, 2018

The siren call...SINFUL SUNDAY

via Instagram

Given I haven’t had sex since Jan 4 and my wife leaves tomorrow for an 8 day ‘conference’ I hope I don’t succumb to the siren call of the ‘Gentleman’s Club’...
Repost from @hbexotic - “It's 2018, let's bring the freak outta you this year!”

 #lapdance #gentlemensclub #sexy #poledance #hotgirls #neroblogshere #stripper #strippers #dancers #ass #booty #heartbreakers 

Saturday, January 20, 2018

OPP ~ #SoSS - Blogs I love

This is the image Mrs Fever used to illustrate her blog post (see that link below)
It's a self portrait by Molly Moore © and you can find more of her photos here

The #SoSS meme is a roundup of favourite blogs I’ve visited this week. In order not to duplicate what others have done for #SoSS (Share Our Shit Saturday) (or Sunday if you forget/run out of time) I’m going to give you links to some of their older stuff - because I think their complete blogs are worth reading. Click the links for the full stories, because these are just excerpts.

So here we go, in no particular order:

Mrs Fever - 'Temperatures Rising' ~ "Porn-NO: An Exploration of Erotic Imagery"

I recently asked Twitter what they thought about the images I used to illustrate my posts, since they are mostly NSFW - and some are more pornographic than erotic. Mrs Fever was one of many who answered (here) and that led me to her excellent post on the subject on her blog:
When I think of pornography, what comes to mind is explicit visual depictions of penetrative sex acts: disembodied genitals, objectification of the individual, baseness/crassness… Basically, graphic displays of sexual aggression. 
And while I know it can be argued that porn comes in multiple forms, the word is associative for me, and is specific to images. Pictures. Moving pictures, especially. Watching a pornographic film is, to me, about as uplifting an experience as watching a slug crawl through the freshly turned dirt in my rose garden.

Images of my lover, often sent without seductive intent, will sometimes spark a low flame that accelerates a heat in me. A picture of his smooth-shaven skin will call to mind one of our rituals. His lips, bowed into a kiss....
M ~ "Cammies On The Floor' "Orgasm Hungry"

M probably needs no introduction since her blog is award winning and already well known. She writes great posts, and the title of this one reeled me in. This is just a small teaser excerpt of a more detailed exposition:
I am incredibly lucky that I orgasm easily, it lends itself to how greedy, how needy I can be. The first orgasm is the longest work and hardest to maintain – it is also often the weakest. All it does is feed my craving for another. My body is tenser, tighter, wanting and willing to work towards the second orgasm – which is always just on the horizon, easy to view and not hard to slide into.

The catch, of course, is that the second orgasm makes it easier to come harder and faster. And the third makes me far more greedy than the first. On and on my body goes, wanting the next – it’s not always that the subsequent ones are harder nor even better, fireworks do not suddenly explode in orgasm splendor; but the more that I orgasm, the easier it is for me to reach another one. When every nerve is sensitive and feels pleasurable, it’s a challenge to not pursue that pleasure
... [continued]

Ancilla_Ksst - Slave To Master ~ "Let's Do It"

I discovered Ancilla via the TMI Tuesday blog. She is an owned slave, married to her Master. Her lifestyle is completely foreign to me and some of the stuff they do is well beyond me but I always find her blog fascinating. Not my kink, but worth a read:
Pulling weeds in the heat of the sun, my cunt still sore from being used roughly earlier that warm Sunday morning, I crawled across the sandy soil, careful over the spiny pumpkin vines, plucking out the long grasses from among them. Master worked several feet away from me in his own patch of weedy vines.

"Pull up your shirt while you work so I can see your tits" he ordered. I lifted my shirt, freeing them, since I hadn't put on a bra that day. I attempted to tuck the shirt around in a knot so it would stay up even when I went back to crawling, but it would only stay for a short time and then I'd have to re-tuck it to give Master the view he wanted. 
He came up to me, stood in front of me, and asked if I wanted a taste. Of course I did.

He unzipped his shorts and took out his cock. I eagerly took him in my mouth. That didn't last long before he turned me around, told me to get on all fours and jerked at my shorts. I helped slide them down in front. His cock slid into my aching wet hole. Soon he pulled me to stand up and ordered me to grab the corner post of the garden fence. I gripped rough wood in both hands as he entered me again

Friday, January 19, 2018

“Why did you make me buy that sh!t?”

via Instagram

“Why did you make me buy that sh!t?” said my wife.

“I dunno, maybe because it looks so damn sexy?” I thought to myself - but didn’t reply.

This was what my wife said last night at dinner, to our friends, about that time I took her to buy some lingerie in Paris. It was all her choice. She found the store and started browsing. All I did was offer to pay for whatever she liked... an offer she liked. She tried it on, she looked good in it, so I offered to buy it for her - as simple as that.

That was last year... and I’ve never seen her wear it. And now all she ‘remembers’ is that I ‘made her’ buy it - WTF?

"Why do you always buy me sexy lingerie and try to dress me like a hooker" she continued "you buy it for yourself, for your pleasure, not mine"

“I dunno, maybe because I want you to know I still consider you sexually attractive even though you don't seem to think so yourself?” I thought to myself - but didn’t reply. Instead I said "You've made it clear you don't like it by not wearing it. Which is why you didn't get any for Xmas, nor for your birthday last year.  Fear not, I won't buy you any underwear ever again"

You can lead a horse to water... but you cannot make it drink.

Thursday, January 18, 2018

'365 Reasons NOT To Have A Sex Calendar' ~ Part 2

There are two footnotes to the story I published yesterday (here). You should probably read it first before you read this part, if you haven't already. Although I've called this 'Part 2' I've also added NOT to the title, for obvious reasons....

i] The following year I gave my wife a 'Sex Checkbook', which I bought at a novelty store. It contained all these checks that she could 'cash' whenever she wanted. The checks/cheques were for things similar to the calendar mentioned in SweetenDirty's post. "One Makeout Session in the Car, just like High School", "One Candlelit Bubble Bath for Two", "One Fantasy Role-play Session of Your Choosing", "One 5 Minute Quickie", etc etc.  

I gave it to her because I thought it was a better 'prompt' than the diary she had given me the previous year. There were no specific dates to make you feel like a failure if you'd missed them, and it put the control in her hands. If she was feeling sexy/frisky/horny then she could 'cash' a check of her choosing, and if she wasn't then she could just leave it for another time.

Unfortunately I gave it to her on Valentine's Day (along with other gifts) and I guess it pissed her off. She never collected on any of the 'offers' and a month later I found it in the trash basket in her home office. What made it more bittersweet was that I found the discarded checkbook just ahead of my birthday - another reminder of the ill-fated diary she'd given me the year before.

ii] A few years after that, after we'd been to couple counseling about our waning sex life (where we were taught to openly communicate our feelings to each other) I told my wife on the ride home about that diary she'd given me and how sad it had made me since we never had any of the sex promised in the forward entries she had made. 

My wife made the sad face but then in typical fashion told me it was my fault for not initiating the sex promised in the diary. I explained that I had tried to do exactly that, many times, but that she would so often rebuff me with one excuse or another that I eventually stopped bothering. Her response to this was to laugh and say "I don't know what I was thinking!" (when she wrote and gave me that diary).

I then mentioned the checkbook I had given her the following year, which she'd thrown away. Unused. Her response to that was even more blunt. "Oh that checkbook was just stupid!" she scoffed.  

I considered both responses completely inappropriate given we'd just left the therapists office, but I bit my tongue. I knew then that couples counseling was a waste of time and we stopped soon after.